Evaluation of my past essays.
Subject1
Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Type
essay
Essay
Whether government should support people working in creative arts in finance is always a hit hot discussion topic in society, which is more intensive with the awareness in of the citizen's legal rights arising recently.
In On the one hand, those who hold a view that creative arts is of vital importance to the development of civilization and culture play a dominative role in society, which also reflects the conflict of the development between culture and technology. In addition, arts creativity art creation is also an essential part of the well-being of citizens in modern life, which should be promoted and encouraged by the government's policy.
On the contrary, the other people believe that creative arts do few little help in the development of a country in either economy or army power. For this reason, those who work in creative arts should find financial support from enterprises and social unities instead of the money from taxpayers.
From my perspective, creative arts, such as painting and music, should be argued to be an essential part in of the development in of human culture. Without its promotion leading our dream to chase after a better life, there wouldn't be so such a fabulous culture in human's history. Only can we strike a balance between arts and practicals, the society could can keep going ahead to toward a happier and more fancinating fascinating future.
Score
- Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
- Lexical Resources: 5
- Grammatical Range: 6.5
- Task Achievement: 5.5
Average Score: (5.5 + 5 + 6.5 + 5.5) / 4 = 5.625
Rounded to the nearest half-band, the Overall Band Score is 5.5.
Recommend
Coherence and Cohesion:
- Your essay is generally well-organized. However, you could improve transitions between ideas for better flow. For example, use transitional phrases like “Furthermore” or “Conversely”.
Lexical Resources:
- Your vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied. Use synonyms and less common words to enhance your lexical resource. For example, instead of "fabulous," consider "exemplary" or "remarkable."
Grammatical Range:
- Your grammar is mostly correct, with a good range of structures. Be mindful of minor errors and sentence structure. For example, “In one hand” should be “On the one hand.”
Task Achievement:
- To improve, focus on providing clearer examples and a more explicit thesis statement. For example, “Financial support from the government can enable artists to focus on their creative processes, leading to richer cultural contributions.”
High-band Vocabulary Suggestions:
- Subsidize, proliferate, cultural enrichment, aesthetic value, fiscal responsibility, societal well-being.
Conclusion
- Refine your argument structure, enhance your vocabulary, and ensure grammatical accuracy for a higher band score.
